The past few weeks have been incredibly hectic. I finished my last day of work on Friday, with a feeling of relief. Now, I have more time to work on all the projects I have been brainstorming and can take more of the additional articles and work that have been coming up, but I haven’t been able to take because of my full-time schedule. But it’s also terrifying – knowing I have to be disciplined enough to manage and balance being a mom and working from home. I just hope the quasi-schedule I set up will work.
I’m glad I finished work right before heading off on my trip with Jon. I haven’t had much time to dwell on how scary i really it is because the trip is always on my mind. Jon has traveled very differently from me. While I plan as many details as possible, he has told me of trips where he has totally winged it. Literally using his flying benefits to jump on any flight and landing someplace with not a clue as to what he was going to do – from how to get around to where he would be staying. While this is sort of foreign to me, it also sounds thrilling and exciting. I have always wanted to travel, but not just to see the traditional tourist attractions. I am curious to see how people really live in other countries, not just in the city meccas but out in the smaller towns, like where I was raised. I think that by going with the flow on a trip and following recommendations you get from people and exploring interesting things you find along the way, you are more likely to find out these details, instead of going from one tourist attraction to another.
Part of leaving my job and taking a risk at following my dream of writing has required me to let go, and forced me to focus on what is happening at the moment but not really knowing how it will all work out. I don’t know what projects I may have in a month or two or in a year, so I can only focus on what I have right now and doing what I can to get more work. To keep writing.
Working in an office, I pretty much knew my daily routine – the monotony of that was comforting but also frustrating, driving me literally crazy some days. Now, my days are all different, depending on if Logan is in nursery school or camp or home with me, and the projects I am working on at the moment.
One lesson I learned from losing Nolan is that, in the end, I really can’t control anything. Yet, being the control freak I am, I still try. I’m trying really hard to make myself let go.
So when Jon left the planning of the trip to me – I knew exactly what I wanted to do. Not plan at all. All the flights heading to Europe seemed to be packed, so I told him to pick any that had room for us. It didn’t matter where they were heading. Right now, we are trying to get to London tomorrow, because the flight has room. But we won’t know til we are at the airport, when all the other passengers have checking in and we are waiting at the gate, if we are going to be able to get on.
I’m keeping my fingers crossed! Hoping we make the flight and this whole plan of not planning works out.